Tip of the Week
If you have a question that you would like answered, please email me the question HERE. Please write "Tip of the Week" in the subject heading and I will choose one email each week and answer it on this page. All questions will be anonymous and none of the email addresses will be shared. To read some comments on the topic of suffering go to blog page.
Question. Why is it so hard to love in the way Christ asks us to? This is a common question that sits in peoples hearts. We often act in ways that we do not want to and get discouraged in our relationships. I will offer some reflections on this question over the next few days
Reply
To start with we need to free ourselves from the traps and obstacles to love. We need to have a CHANGE OF HEART. We can only do this by cooperating with God's grace. We must reconcile with God and choose to pick up our cross and follow Him in all ways.
Some theology. Christians believe that God is Love. Therefore, Christians believe that we are created by LOVE and for LOVE. We are here because God (LOVE) created us. We are His children. I only exist because He created me. My reality begins with His lOVE. He created us so that we could participate in a world made by LOVE and for LOVE. Now this was the beginning of a beautiful love story. What happened? Where did all of these obstacles to the Freedom to Love come from? I will write more tomorrow.
November lst, 2012
"In the beginning was the word and the word was with God, and the word was God. All things came to be through Him and without Him nothing came to be. What came to be through Him was life, and this life was the light of the human race: the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it" John 1 :1-3
God who had no first cause created us with free will. He wanted us to be able to experience love freely., not by automation. This makes perfect sense, however, there became a problem when Adam and Eve chose to eat of the one tree that God said was forbidden. That was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Genesis2:3. Therefore, because of disobedience, the separation of man and God causes many struggles here on earth. Since the Fall, our view of God, ourselves and others has been disordered. Therefore our freedom to love has been disordered causing many problems in relationships. Fortunately God had a plan called reconciliation through covenant relationships. If you want a excellent understanding of salvation history a good place to go is Scott Hahns web site.
I hope I can make a small contribution to this love story by sharing what I have learned from couples that I have worked with during my 30+ years as a Marriage Counselor.
Some obstacles to the freedom to love.
1. Not understanding our ontology or the source of our being. When we do not understand where we came from we are unable to draw from our greatest source of love and wisdom, our triune God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. We look to our own understanding or look to other places where the answers are very limited and sometimes damaging.
2. Blaming and Judging. We learn in our culture that everyone and everything outside of ourselves is responsible for our behavior and feelings. This belief system has its foundation in pride(I have no faults, I am superior). It creates defensive behavior and attack and blaming communication. This kind of communication creates hurt, anger, rage, distance, hopelessness and other negative behaviors and feelings. The hopelessness often leads to a desire to separate and end the relationship. These behaviors never work to create love and satisfaction in relationships. No matter how we were treated as children or as spouses, we still need to acknowledge that the only person we can change is ourselves. Blaming and Judging only keeps us trapped in no win thinking. (Lack of forgiveness is a part of this and I will write about that another day). NF
November 2nd, 2012 Another obstacle to love. The inability to forgive and revenge. These behaviors are mostly harmful to the person who is un able to forgive. Living in this condition hardens our hearts, makes it difficult to receive God's graces. It drains our energy and keeps us locked in the prison of our feelings. We continue to be wounded over and over by hanging on to old hurts. We become subverient to our feelings. Our feelings become our master. As Jesus said, we can only serve one master. We must make a choice God or anything else. NF. I will write more on forgiveness on another day
November 11, 2012
I recognize all Veterans and active duty service U.S. citizens for their dedication, courage and sacrafices that they and their families have and will make. This includes my two son-in-laws and their families.
3. Another obstacle to love is spending time trying to change your/our partners instead of looking at our own behavior. The only persons behavior we can really change is our own. We have influence over others, however, God gave us free will. To put most of your thoughts and time into trying to change someone else is ineffective and discouraging. This behavior also keeps us in a kind of prison. We are a victim of the other persons behavior because we refuse to work on our own Holiness with God. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness" Always start with your relationship with God. Turn to Him and listen. The root of the word listen is to obey. Obedience to God's truth gives us the freedom to choose the good. "Gods laws protect and promote man's freedom for the good, rather than truth being a creation of each persons freedom, or a kind of relativism."JPII
A prayer for us.
" O God, creator of light: at the rising of your sun this morning, let the greatest of all lights, your love, rise like the sun within our hearts" Armenian Apostolic Church
November 30th
Obstacles to Love,
If we spend more time trying to change the person we are struggling with rather than working on our own path to Holiness. The only persons behavior we can change is our own. To put most of your time and thought into changing your partner is ineffective and discouraging. This behavior also keeps us in prison.
Another obstacle is our fear of rejection, because we do not have a full understanding of our own worth and dignity as a child of God. When we spend time with God, in prayer, devotion, adoration, study and worship God blesses this by giving us the grace to understand the worth of every human being. When we feel unworthy it is harder to respond with kindness, patience and responsiblity. In our unworthiness we surround ourselves with defense mechnisims that create sarcastic, unkind and even cruel respones.
Lack of humility and the pride that comes from it creates envy and jealousy. Again, these emotions come from not understanding that God is sovereign and we are not. God has graciously given each of us gifts and talents and God has a purpose for each of us that is good. When we focus on His purpose, His will, His plan we can be aligned with the perfect path for ourselves. It is difficult for us as human beings to surrender to God's will. Living in the prison of our own desires, wanting to be our own God is an obstacle to being free to love each other in the way that Christ loves the church
January 11, 2013. For some thoughts on forgiveness check out my other blog, www.healing-forgiveness.com.
Have you ever wondered if God is trying to get your attention through suffering, anxiety or depression? If so, one often looks around at the external events in our lives and then tries to see what we can change that might help us feel better. Sometimes this can help. However, sometimes the change that needs to be made is not external, even though we would like to find someone or something to blame. Sometimes growth involves a kind of passivity where we make room for God to make the changes in us through His Grace. We all carry a certain amount of toxins in us as fallen beings. Having patience with ourselves and with God requires humility, faith, hope and a deep trust in God. If we believe that God is sovereign and good, our next task may be to wait with patience. This is an opportune time to practice contemplative prayer which helps us become passive in our learning. It helps us to get out of the way and let God do His work on us. This requires less doing and more being, being faithful, being hopeful being humble. Through this deepening of faith we begin to experience knowledge that has a different quality than what we have experienced before. It sometimes can be contrary to what we have always thought to be truth. It challenges our reality and stretches our abililty to have moral courage to perservere in faith towards our Creator, into a true understanding of who we are in Christ and why we are here. Walking towards the mystery and the light of Love that calls us. "Come unto me all who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest". Mt. 11:28
NJF
Question. Why is it so hard to love in the way Christ asks us to? This is a common question that sits in peoples hearts. We often act in ways that we do not want to and get discouraged in our relationships. I will offer some reflections on this question over the next few days
Reply
To start with we need to free ourselves from the traps and obstacles to love. We need to have a CHANGE OF HEART. We can only do this by cooperating with God's grace. We must reconcile with God and choose to pick up our cross and follow Him in all ways.
Some theology. Christians believe that God is Love. Therefore, Christians believe that we are created by LOVE and for LOVE. We are here because God (LOVE) created us. We are His children. I only exist because He created me. My reality begins with His lOVE. He created us so that we could participate in a world made by LOVE and for LOVE. Now this was the beginning of a beautiful love story. What happened? Where did all of these obstacles to the Freedom to Love come from? I will write more tomorrow.
November lst, 2012
"In the beginning was the word and the word was with God, and the word was God. All things came to be through Him and without Him nothing came to be. What came to be through Him was life, and this life was the light of the human race: the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it" John 1 :1-3
God who had no first cause created us with free will. He wanted us to be able to experience love freely., not by automation. This makes perfect sense, however, there became a problem when Adam and Eve chose to eat of the one tree that God said was forbidden. That was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Genesis2:3. Therefore, because of disobedience, the separation of man and God causes many struggles here on earth. Since the Fall, our view of God, ourselves and others has been disordered. Therefore our freedom to love has been disordered causing many problems in relationships. Fortunately God had a plan called reconciliation through covenant relationships. If you want a excellent understanding of salvation history a good place to go is Scott Hahns web site.
I hope I can make a small contribution to this love story by sharing what I have learned from couples that I have worked with during my 30+ years as a Marriage Counselor.
Some obstacles to the freedom to love.
1. Not understanding our ontology or the source of our being. When we do not understand where we came from we are unable to draw from our greatest source of love and wisdom, our triune God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. We look to our own understanding or look to other places where the answers are very limited and sometimes damaging.
2. Blaming and Judging. We learn in our culture that everyone and everything outside of ourselves is responsible for our behavior and feelings. This belief system has its foundation in pride(I have no faults, I am superior). It creates defensive behavior and attack and blaming communication. This kind of communication creates hurt, anger, rage, distance, hopelessness and other negative behaviors and feelings. The hopelessness often leads to a desire to separate and end the relationship. These behaviors never work to create love and satisfaction in relationships. No matter how we were treated as children or as spouses, we still need to acknowledge that the only person we can change is ourselves. Blaming and Judging only keeps us trapped in no win thinking. (Lack of forgiveness is a part of this and I will write about that another day). NF
November 2nd, 2012 Another obstacle to love. The inability to forgive and revenge. These behaviors are mostly harmful to the person who is un able to forgive. Living in this condition hardens our hearts, makes it difficult to receive God's graces. It drains our energy and keeps us locked in the prison of our feelings. We continue to be wounded over and over by hanging on to old hurts. We become subverient to our feelings. Our feelings become our master. As Jesus said, we can only serve one master. We must make a choice God or anything else. NF. I will write more on forgiveness on another day
November 11, 2012
I recognize all Veterans and active duty service U.S. citizens for their dedication, courage and sacrafices that they and their families have and will make. This includes my two son-in-laws and their families.
3. Another obstacle to love is spending time trying to change your/our partners instead of looking at our own behavior. The only persons behavior we can really change is our own. We have influence over others, however, God gave us free will. To put most of your thoughts and time into trying to change someone else is ineffective and discouraging. This behavior also keeps us in a kind of prison. We are a victim of the other persons behavior because we refuse to work on our own Holiness with God. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness" Always start with your relationship with God. Turn to Him and listen. The root of the word listen is to obey. Obedience to God's truth gives us the freedom to choose the good. "Gods laws protect and promote man's freedom for the good, rather than truth being a creation of each persons freedom, or a kind of relativism."JPII
A prayer for us.
" O God, creator of light: at the rising of your sun this morning, let the greatest of all lights, your love, rise like the sun within our hearts" Armenian Apostolic Church
November 30th
Obstacles to Love,
If we spend more time trying to change the person we are struggling with rather than working on our own path to Holiness. The only persons behavior we can change is our own. To put most of your time and thought into changing your partner is ineffective and discouraging. This behavior also keeps us in prison.
Another obstacle is our fear of rejection, because we do not have a full understanding of our own worth and dignity as a child of God. When we spend time with God, in prayer, devotion, adoration, study and worship God blesses this by giving us the grace to understand the worth of every human being. When we feel unworthy it is harder to respond with kindness, patience and responsiblity. In our unworthiness we surround ourselves with defense mechnisims that create sarcastic, unkind and even cruel respones.
Lack of humility and the pride that comes from it creates envy and jealousy. Again, these emotions come from not understanding that God is sovereign and we are not. God has graciously given each of us gifts and talents and God has a purpose for each of us that is good. When we focus on His purpose, His will, His plan we can be aligned with the perfect path for ourselves. It is difficult for us as human beings to surrender to God's will. Living in the prison of our own desires, wanting to be our own God is an obstacle to being free to love each other in the way that Christ loves the church
January 11, 2013. For some thoughts on forgiveness check out my other blog, www.healing-forgiveness.com.
Have you ever wondered if God is trying to get your attention through suffering, anxiety or depression? If so, one often looks around at the external events in our lives and then tries to see what we can change that might help us feel better. Sometimes this can help. However, sometimes the change that needs to be made is not external, even though we would like to find someone or something to blame. Sometimes growth involves a kind of passivity where we make room for God to make the changes in us through His Grace. We all carry a certain amount of toxins in us as fallen beings. Having patience with ourselves and with God requires humility, faith, hope and a deep trust in God. If we believe that God is sovereign and good, our next task may be to wait with patience. This is an opportune time to practice contemplative prayer which helps us become passive in our learning. It helps us to get out of the way and let God do His work on us. This requires less doing and more being, being faithful, being hopeful being humble. Through this deepening of faith we begin to experience knowledge that has a different quality than what we have experienced before. It sometimes can be contrary to what we have always thought to be truth. It challenges our reality and stretches our abililty to have moral courage to perservere in faith towards our Creator, into a true understanding of who we are in Christ and why we are here. Walking towards the mystery and the light of Love that calls us. "Come unto me all who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest". Mt. 11:28
NJF